Lunatic
by rochele-88
Summary: Behind Luna Lovegood's hazy eyes is a girl who's experienced more than anyone would have ever guessed...


Her silver link watch…it had to be heresomewhere. Luna threw open her trunk and threw wrinkled robes and tattered books helter-skelter across the room. It wasn't there. It wasn't on her bedside table. A quick look at her left wrist verified that she definitely wasn't wearing it.

Her potions book was missing as well. So was her latest letter from her father. Another quick check found that random items of clothing had also disappeared.

A chill ran through her body. They had been here again.

"I have nothing, I know nothing," she muttered to herself. _They_ insisted that she did. Their voices haunted her in the night.

"_Little Luna Lovegood…crazy, just like your mother, aren't you? Nothing but a fool would stand against the Dark Lord, when they were in a position to gain so much…"_

"_Crucio!" another voice would chime in, as it always did. Luna would writhe in pain…was this a dream, or was it real this time? It was getting hard to tell the difference._

_No matter which it was, the pain was always real. _

"_Tell us where she hid it!"_

"_I don't know!" Luna screamed._

_Sometimes, at this point she woke up, shaking, heart pounding.. Sometimes, it was real, and she remained caught in the web of agony that held her body stiff and rigid._

_Did she know? Sometimes she wondered if she did. She didn't think so, but maybe she was crazy. Loony Luna Lovegood._

_Loony Luna, Loopy Luna, Loony Luna Lunatic._

She wandered out into the halls of Hogwarts. Maybe she'd post another sign on the notice board. Somehow, it always worked. Her possessions would return, one by one, all with the marks of magical tampering.

Magically tampered or not, they were hers, and she needed them back. She had to have them back. They were all that she had.

Harry was there as she posted her sign. He offered to help her search for the missing items, which made her blood run hot in panic. How could he search for something that couldn't be found? _They_ had them. Why was she posting the note again? Oh, because whenever she pointed out that she knew that they were missing, the books

Luna managed to smile politely at Harry and chatted mindlessly for a few minutes to avoid suspicion. The veil… her mother had gone behind the veil. Nobody else knew how or why, they only knew the lie that she and her father had set up.

Well, to be completely honest, _they_ knew. But Harry didn't. She supposed Sirius was behind the veil. How nice, maybe he'd say hi to her mother. He had died fighting for the same ideals as she had. Maybe her mother was lonely over there. Sirius wouldn't think she was a crazy fool like _they_ had called her.

She had to get away from Harry. She didn't want to think about her mother. What was he saying? Could he help her look for them?

Oh no, she told him. She was going to have some pudding, but she did hope he had a nice holiday.

And that was the truth. Luna really did hope that Harry had a nice holiday. A nice holiday was something that sounded rather pleasant.

When she went back to her room, she found one of the missing robes folded neatly on her bed. Inside the front pocket, as expected, there was a piece of parchment.

_Hello, Luna._

_It's always pleasant to talk to you again. You won't be able to fight us much longer, you know. We're in your head. We've invaded your thoughts. We're taking control of your mind and body. Your actions are no longer your own._

_Be careful of whom you're friends with. You never know what you might do to them. _

_When you realize that there's no other way than to cooperate with us, we're willing to negotiate. It won't hurt you a bit, but it will help us tremendously. Why deny us what we want so badly, when it doesn't cost you anything?_

_We know you'll see the logic in it._

Luna read the letter and crumpled it into a crinkled up ball. Were they really in her head already? Was Loony Luna loopy, but only because the voices in her head really were real?

Her pale eyes closed, trying to shut out the thoughts running through her head.

_Closing your eyes won't help, Luna, we're inside, not out…_

She managed to last through the summer. Her father, thankfully, didn't notice a thing. She didn't want him to know what they were doing. He didn't know what her mother had told her. Nobody knew what her mother had said. If only someone else knew, this wouldn't be happening.

They went on their trip to Sweden to try to catch a Crumple-Horned Snorkack. Everyone said that they were imaginary, made up. What did Luna know? Her whole life felt unbelievable, and she needed to believe in something.

Wouldn't it be lovely if they did catch a Crumple-Horned Snorkack? Maybe whatever it was would be some kind of creature that could take her away. Away from all the thoughts circling through her mind.

_Tell us, Luna,_ they whispered, cajoled. _It won't hurt anyone; it'll feel good to get it off your chest. Secrets don't make friends, Luna. Don't you want to be friends?_

_Tell…tell us…now…_

Sometimes she almost gave in and thought the thoughts she wasn't supposed to think. She couldn't think about them. She couldn't let the voices in her head know what nobody was supposed to know. What her mother had told her, what her mother had died for.

Sometimes the voices in her head told her nice stories about her mom, which made her smile dreamily. They were true, she knew they were. But in the end, she always remembered that they were telling her for one reason: to win her over, to get her to confide in them.

Sometimes the voices threatened her and told her what would happen to her if she didn't tell. Those times she went in her room and hid under her blankets. It never worked, but she always tried anyway. Maybe one day she'd be able to block the thoughts invading her mind.

Luna was on the train to Hogwarts. Again. It was her fifth year of getting on the Hogwarts Express and leaving her father standing on the platform.

She floated alongside Neville, who joined up with Harry Potter. Harry, always a nice boy he was. He was fighting the same man she was. The same evil. He didn't realize they had something in common. He thought her rather…different actually. That was okay, Luna _was_ different. They just didn't know _why_ she was that way.

He was so polite, asking her how she was and how the Quibbler was doing. Who else cared, besides Harry, Neville, and Ginny? Nobody, most likely. The thought didn't bother her. The voices in her head were company enough.

"Are we still doing D.A. meetings this year?" she asked Harry. Sometimes she dreamed of defeating those who controlled her. If she wanted to be strong enough to stand up to them, she had to learn how to fight. Maybe Harry could teach her.

Then Harry dashed her hopes. She didn't want to appear too crestfallen though, so she passed it off as a desire for companionship. She couldn't let anyone know about the war she was fighting behind her hazy eyes.

She was safe at Hogwarts. Other than stealing her belongings, they couldn't do much to her. She didn't know how they did even that.

They were still there, in her head. When the voices got too demanding though, she recited Transfiguration spells over and over until they went away.

Then Luna made the mistake of going to Hogsmeade.

After drifting through the village, she decided to take a walk beyond the Shrieking Shack. As she walked down the lazily winding path, she suddenly became immobilized.

Her body flew through the air and she landed abruptly at the feet of a very tall man. She looked up and saw pale blond hair dangling in front of steel gray eyes. She had blonde hair….

It was Lucius Malfoy.

"Luna Lovegood," he chuckled. His voice was that of one of the voices in her head. "This would have been much easier if you would have just told us what you knew in the first place."

_I mustn't tell him, I can't let him know, _she thought fiercely.

"_Legilmens_!" he uttered. She felt a probing sensation in her brain. It was nothing new; people had been probing at her brain for the past six years.

"We know you're the secret keeper, Luna, so give it up!" Lucius demanded through clenched teeth. Memories of her mother flew through her brain and almost landed on that terrible day in which her mother had told her all she knew, only hours before being murdered at the hands of the Dark Lord.

_No!_ Luna cried silently. She forced her thoughts onto the topic of mistletoe. It was infested, which many people didn't know, with nargles.

Maybe that wasn't true either. She never knew anymore.

Once again, she was thinking of her mother.

"I must tell you this," her mother was saying. "In case anything happens to me, I need somebody to know why. I need you to become my secret keeper. Can you do that Luna?"

Nine-year-old Luna nodded grimly. She would do anything for her mother.

They went through the necessary process, and then her mother sat her down to listen.

"It started out like this…"

_No!_ _I'm not going to think about it. I can't!_

"Stop resisting me," Lucius growled. "_Crucio_!"

She was thrown into a fit of intense agony. It went on and on and on, until she was completely senseless.

When it stopped, Lucius tried invading her brain again. This time, there wasn't much left to invade. She felt weak and flimsy, unable to sustain a thought other than "_hurts_".

He got angry, very angry. She was used to that. He had been angry with her before. This time, though, she could see him. He wasn't only in her head; he was in front of her too.

Lucius couldn't get the memory. Her head was spinning with mindless babble.

_Loony Luna, loopy Luna, loony Luna lunatic. _A sing-song rhyme. Up and down, fast and slow. _Loo-ny Lu-na, lu-na-tic. LoopyLunalunatic. Loony…Luna…Loony Luna, loony Luna lun-a-tic…_

Lucius cursed with frustration, and prepared to transport her, where, she didn't know. Before he could, however, Dumbledore was there.

Or maybe she was imagining that. She was never sure.

Then Lucius was gone. Before she could even determine if Dumbledore was real.

"Luna," a deep voice rumbled from above. It was Dumbledore's voice. She didn't answer. How could she be sure that it was Dumbledore? She had been deceived before…

She felt herself being moved carefully, and then she knew nothing, until she awoke in the Hospital Wing at Hogwarts.

"Good evening, Luna," a gentle voice intoned. Dumbledore was sitting at her bedside, his blue eyes soft and warm. "You've had quite the day." His long white beard was ruffled by the wind. That didn't bother her; her own hair was rumpled like that nearly all of the time.

Her head was spinning. It was always spinning. Would it ever stop? Was she really a lunatic?

"I want you to know that you're never going to be bothered again. I took your mother's story out of your head and I captured it in my Pensieve. I experienced it, and then I destroyed it. The Death Eaters know this. They know that you no longer hold the information that they seek."

Gone. It was gone. The memory that had shaped her life since the day her mother died was no longer part of her. Gone gone gone.

The sheets of the bed were itchy. Maybe they were infested with nargles too. Or were those made up? No, she didn't think so. Why else would her sheets be itchy?

"Ginny Weasely saved your life today," Dumbledore continued. Luna struggled to focus on what he was saying.

"She had followed you out of curiosity, and saw what happened. She notified me right away, and I arrived soon after."

Luna smiled softly. "A nice girl, that Ginny Weasely."

"She's sworn to secrecy," he explained. "Nobody is to know of this. Nobody is to know the truth about your mother. We'll continue with the theory of her dying during magical experiments. This changes nothing, Luna, other than that you are freed of your burden.

"I want to commend you, however, for your amazing mind power. Not just anyone is strong enough to hold off a skilled Legilimens, especially someone never trained in Occlumency."

Skilled? Luna? Skilled, pilled, dilled, killed…_they_ had killed her mother. How could she betray her mother's memory by giving them what they wanted, what her mother had died fighting for?

What _had_ her mother fought for? She used to know. Now she couldn't remember no matter how hard she tried.

Maybe that's what Dumbledore meant when he said that he had taken the memory.

Luna turned away from him and huddled underneath the scratchy sheets. The voices in her head were gone. All she could hear was herself. It was quiet, strange, and scary. She really did sound crazy, all alone in her head, with nobody else to distract her. Was that what other people thought when they heard her?

Loony Luna lunatic…

Nobody could go through years of repeated mind invasions and _Cruciatus_ curses and still remain sane. It was too bad, really. It sounded rather nice to be sane. Other people didn't look at you so oddly. They didn't dismiss everything you said with a roll of the eyes and a snort of laughter.

Nobody could restore a warped mind. Dumbledore had told her that, or somebody had, she didn't remember who. It didn't matter. Nothing mattered.

Loony Luna lunatic. That's who she'd always be. Loony Luna lunatic…crazy in the head, crazy sick.


End file.
